Art Blog by Lydia Prentiss

It's just over there... but you can't see it... you can't touch it. Just trust us.

I feel good about the amount of work I'm making. Drawing, sculpting, printing- it's all a physical process. Like running, the more you do it, the better it gets. I'm creating a whole lot of work- some of which is really fantastic.

Yet I'm frustrated. In the effort to complete more and more... logging hours and hours in the studio- I don't have time to document the work, to update my website, to pound the pavement looking for opportunities to show. I know that these things need to be balanced. Just like there's a time for making work, you need to make time for 'selling' your work. I feel like there's just not enough time to do it all.

Part of this has to do with spending so much time at my non-art job. But it's my non-art job that pays my rent, makes my car payments, pays the health insurance for my son. This is what lets me sign up for classes/studio time at UMD. I love my non-art job. I just wish it were art. Not that I really want to make commercial art. Not that I have an "in" for any kind of art-related job right now. I'm wishing for some kind of artist utopia... where artist can make the kind of art they're called to do, without influence from the pressures of the marketplace, without competing needs to do something that fits into the supply-and-demand economy just to survive.

The more art that I make- the closer I feel to where I want to be as an artist.

But I'm in this situation as a post-bac, sometimes grad-student, sometimes taking undergrad courses, where I hear there are all these fantastic things being done by these fantastically "busy" grad students (when people here say "busy" they mean "too important to meet you"). I'm incredibly busy too- but logginging all this time in the studio mostly interacting with undergrads. Some are really motivated and fantastic- but I still crave more interaction with more folks who are working at a super-high level. Back when I was an undergrad, I wouldn't have been satisfied with this situation. There's a reason I went to an "art school" rather than majoring in art in a non-arts school.

So while I log all this studio time, I'm missing out on spending time with my non-umd artist friends who are also busy doing super fantastic things that are really interesting... friends who are willing to spend time with me- in relationships that are mutually supportive and stimulating.

This isolation is bumming me out. Sure, artmaking, in some ways, is a solo process- yet artists still find ways to interact. Artists form studios, organize group shows, attend openings together. Universities are normally a great place for this too. But in this particular hierarchical community, I'm not in the the correct category to interact with other "busy" people. I hate that right now, I'm pushing myself to log all these studio hours, but I'm missing out on any kind of community. This community which would help motivate me to come to the studio, would give me new perspectives, would allow for stimulating conversations, that kind of informal give-and-take is really necessary in art. Without that, I might as well go back to my basement apartment and scribble away in my journals some more.

I find something great in the sculpture studios. There IS a community there. Grad students and undergrads and faculty are constantly coming through. People make time to share ideas, talk about each person's work. There's a very positive dynamic in this group space. But it also makes me realize what's missing everywhere else. I could shift focus to sculpture- just because I like the community. It's where I'm heading these days, and this is the reason. But it feels a little bit like a sucky trade-off... because I'm really not a sculpture person. I'm really a painter.

I don't know how to make this better. If I were more integrated in the UMD grad program, would that help? If I were a full time grad student myself, I could spend all my time just doing art, but I don't think I could I still afford rent. Having a roof over your head is kind of important. I know that people find ways to make this work. I just can't figure out how to do it myself. I wouldn't hesitate to borrow to pay for school... but I've already done that so it's no longer an option.

In the meantime I'm just working working working... but craving more. Sometimes I see a glimmer of hope that things will move forward... but then reality closes in and I watch that vision recede. Another year goes by. And another. If there were some kind of leap I could take to make this different, I'd do it. Just not sure what I'm supposed to do. In the meantime I endure, and I bitch about things that suck, and I celebrate things that are really pretty fantastic.